Potty Training

Potty training my three year old son feels a lot like teaching a chicken to tap dance.  You’re clearly not speaking the same language, but even if you were, the chicken would ask you why you are pulling your hair out trying so hard, that he has no interest in tap dancing.  This kid breaks me every time.  I always start off motivated and in a happy, “I can do this,” mood.  I am encouraging and loving and patient with him.  Then he pisses on the floor and throws all of his books in it.  As I am cleaning up this mess, he hides behind my curtains and poops so that it streaks down the curtains and smears against the sliding glass door and into the track of the door.  I tell myself to remain calm.  I smile at him and try to explain that this is not the goal.  I take him to the bathroom and tell him to pee pee on the potty.  He refuses.  He laughs at me, and runs away with his little naked butt.  I bribe, bargain, threaten, and plead, and with little to no progress, I am left completely worn out and defeated.  More than once Nate has come home to me sitting on the floor surrounded by pee, hysterically laughing and crying at the same time.  Yup, he broke me again today.

My method for potty training so far has been the same method my mom used for me and my brother.  She told me to just let him run around bare butt all day and keep taking him to the potty and reminding him, and that it took a few days each to potty train me and my brother.  A few days my ass.  I have tried multiple three-day sessions where I covered the couch, closed all the bedroom doors, and tried to potty proof the house as best I could.  I obviously forgot about the curtains.  We were making some headway while I was still pregnant with Summerly.  He was only two years old and I was elated by the progress we were making at such a young age.  Then he sensed my weakness when I got too pregnant and tired to keep up with him, and he started fighting it.  Then we took a break for a while since Sum was born.  We started up again when Sum was about six months old, and we have made ZERO progress since.

In fact, I’m positive Mav thinks this is a game.  He knows that I will get distracted with Summerly at some point, and then he will be free to pee wherever he wants.  And once he does, I will then be busy trying to keep Summerly away from it while I clean it up.  And while I am busy keeping Sum away and cleaning it up, he pees again, and it just goes downhill from there.  Then Nate comes home and says, “Hey Bud, let’s go pee pee on the potty just like Daddy does!”  And somehow Maverick happily obeys.  And I am left in shock.  So then I realized Mav knows exactly what I want him to do, but just doesn’t want to do it yet.  Nate and I are both very stubborn people, so go figure my son is too.  I resigned to just dropping the potty issue for a few months figuring he would show interest when he’s damn well ready, and not a minute earlier.

Well, it’s been a few months and now I’m thinking he’s just lazy.  One of these coming weekends I am planning on just locking the two of us in the bathroom from sun up to sun down.  My thought behind this is that I have to take away the biggest thing that matters to him; freedom.  Nate will bring us food in there and we will not leave the bathroom for any reason.  Like prison.  Believe me, I am not looking forward to this.  But if it works, then it will be COMPLETELY worth it.  This gives you a clue as to how desperate I am, lmao.  So if anyone has any advice on how to work miracles, please let me know your success story.  And everyone else, wish me luck and patience because I’m definitely gonna need it.

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