Week 11

So 11 weeks means I’m almost done with my first trimester, Woohoo!  Although the nausea shows no signs of waning, and the headaches are almost every single day.  I will remain hopeful that these two symptoms will soon be over, or at least less frequent.  Another symptom that just popped up has been ruining my life for the past week.  It’s honestly kind of embarrassing to write about, but at this point, I just don’t give a sh*t.  Literally, because I’m constipated.  Another wonderful pregnancy symptom that no one wants to talk about.  So not only is this to be expected in the first trimester because of hormones, (as always,) but it’s compounded by the anti-nausea pills that I’m taking almost every day.  So that’s just a lose, lose situation.  Oh, the joys of pregnancy.

Again, not the demure, lovely thing people think it is.  I am a hot mess over here with an ice pack strapped to my forehead to soothe the headache, one hand over my mouth as if that will prevent me from vomiting, and then my other hand clutching my stomach because of the cramps caused by the constipation.  Or maybe the cramps are a result of the large amount of Miralax I have recently ingested.  Let’s hope, because if that doesn’t work, I have been instructed by my doctor to use an enema.  This is humbling to say the least.

Well, of course the Miralax doesn’t do the job.  Fantastic.  So when I am finally desperate enough to send my hubby out to pick up an enema, I am in complete shock when reading the directions.  As it turns out, you can’t just insert the liquid while sitting on the toilet.  Oh, no.  You have to basically do a downward dog position while on your knees with your face to the floor, and then hold that for five minutes after inserting the liquid.  FML.  My sweet and compassionate husband asks if I need his help and I am mortified.  I basically scream at him, “Absolutely not!”  I am reminded in that moment of the movie, “This is 40,” where the husband asks the wife to check to see if he has hemorrhoids.  I guess this is normal life for us now.  But still, I will endure this humiliation by myself, alone, thank you very much.

Although here I am writing about it, so I guess I have completely thrown my pride out the window.  This is actually a good thing though, because if I remember correctly, there is no being shy in the delivery room.  If you were a conservative person before, pregnancy will swiftly strip you of that.  It was really hard to swallow at first, and here I am pregnant with baby number three, and still feeling humiliated and betrayed by my own body.  As annoyed as I am about this, I have to remember that this made me a more compassionate person, and a more patient mama.  So cheers to me and my enema, and looking forward to what surprises might come next.

 

P.S.  We have been playing Elf on the Shelf for the very first time, and I think I am having more fun with it than the kids.  We’ve named him Elfie McJingles, and here are some pics of his nightly adventures!

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