Well, this month has flown by. We had a baby sprinkle a couple of weeks ago, which is like a baby shower, except we don’t really need that much stuff since we have all the baby gear and clothes from our previous babies. So not a shower, just a sprinkle. So thank you to all of our friends and family who sprinkled us with love and gifts for the new baby ❤
I have also been working up until last week when Nate finally started yelling at me to stop because he’s worried I’m pushing myself too hard. Well, honestly, going to work where I sit down the whole time was a lot easier than staying home and chasing around two toddlers and cleaning all day. But since this baby dropped lower into my pelvis in anticipation of birth, it’s like there’s a bowling ball between my legs, and I have taken the pregnant waddle to a whole new level. In fact, it’s almost unbearable to walk up and down stairs, or get into my car. And since we have stairs from our house to the street, it makes leaving my house almost impossible. So out in public, I look and feel crippled. Which is fine in my sweatpants at Target, but a little embarrassing while wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase into various law offices. Also I could tell that I was making the male attorneys a little uncomfortable. Like she’s gonna blow any minute, why is she here and not at home or in the hospital?! lol
So for the past week, I’ve pretty much been on house arrest and going out of my mind. I’m bored and antsy and physically miserable. I want to be productive, but every time I get up to do something I just feel like absolute crap. I’ve gone into false labor twice, which is so exciting for that moment, and then soo disappointing when you realize that it’s not actually happening. With every one of my pregnancies, right at this last month, I get what I call pre partum depression. I am so insanely excited about having the baby, that everything else in life is just mundane and unenjoyable. And the thought of having to wait even one more second to meet this little love is unbearable. The world is still turning, my husband goes to work, the neighbors go on vacation, and I just can’t think of anything else in life except having this baby. I don’t know if other women get this way, but I know I do, and I know I’m borderline crazy.
I am so bitchy lately it’s ridiculous. I don’t know how Nate deals with me. He’s a saint. He actually mocked me the other day with a monologue of bitchy comments I had made throughout the day while we had been running errands, and it was downright hysterical. It really gave me perspective of how physically miserable I must be feeling to be so snippy. Well, I’m giving myself a free pass and pulling the pregnant card. I’ll be nice again later, but for now, I just really don’t give a ****.
Another reason I will embrace this don’t care attitude, is because it overshadows any fears or reservations about childbirth. I use this misery to my advantage. Because by the time I go into labor and I’m screaming my head off in pain, I will just be so relieved that the pregnancy is almost over, that I won’t care how many people need to get up into my whohah, or how big the epidural needle is. This makes childbirth much easier for me. After I had Maverick, and while I was already pregnant again with Summerly, I watched my sis-in-law give birth, and it was BRUTAL. It’s one thing when you watch some unknown woman on youtube, and you think well, mine won’t be that intense. But when I’m watching my beautiful, five foot tall sister-in-law, with her pretty blue eyes and freckles, push a watermelon out of her body, with all kinds of fluids and blood and stretching…carnal. And I was thinking, well damn, I’m about to do that again in a few months, and I probably shouldn’t have watched that live.
My brother didn’t watch like I did. He stayed by her head and held her hand. He later jokingly asked Nate how could he watch when I gave birth, and, “Ever look at the pu**y the same?” And Nate responded, “With wonder. I respect the hell out of that thing more than I ever did before.” God, I love him for that. Because I, like my brother, was a little bit mortified. It just really doesn’t make sense that object A, comes out of object B. But I’m not gonna be thinking about that when I’m having contractions every few minutes and in the worst pain of my life. And that was definitely part of God’s plan, I’m sure. Brilliant. So that’s what I’m rolling with for now. I’m miserable and bitchy and just don’t give a crap about it until I get this human out of my body, which will be one of the best and most beautiful days of my life. I just can’t wait!